AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGGHHHHHH!Apologies in advance – I’ve been trying for the past 2 hours to construct my blog in paragraphs but for some reason WordPress won’t let me. Don’t understand why. Hence, frustratingly, what you are about to read is in one huge stupid mass, whereas I would prefer to have it in manageable bite size chunks. Any advice on how to solve this great welcome Have just attempted the following – fingers crossed – ‘To add line breaks instead of paragraph breaks, useShift+Enter in the Visual Editor, or type
<br /> in the HTML editor’)
Antlers are playing ‘I don’t want love’ just now from their latest album ‘Burst Apart’. Spotify recommended them, I guess from the type of music I listen to, although my sister treats my account like her own personal bird bath and dips in regularly which must affect what Spotify recommends. I would mind more, if it wasn’t for the fact that she has a great talent for putting music together and I have come across some real gems because of her. She makes brilliant playlists. I ‘gave’ her Marnie Stern though, so I’m cool with it. (Yes, an actual physical lovely album not a download. How crap would that be? )
BAM! I just noticed the most beautiful layered reflection on the table beside me from the glass vase of roses Mattias bought for me last week (He’s a darling huh?!) I was about to take a photo for the benefit of you lot so you could see then just as quickly BAM! Cloud coverage – DENIED. Dammit.
Bugger, it’s coming back. And there was me just trying to google the little white flower that has been arranged with the roses just to give you an image in your head of the types of shadows and reflections I’m seeing – it matters (cue fight in own head about the importance of it all). My mum has told me a million times what they’re called, but it just doesn’t stick in my head.
Now, I have just managed a nice iPhone photo of it, and I’m really quite taken with it – so do I now go back to googling that little white flower so that I remember it for some other ‘useful’ time, or do I now (after taking 10 photos…) select one photo, email it to myself, open it on my PC, download it into photoshop, stick a ‘(c) Jenny Soep 2011’ stamp on it and turn it round the right way, save it under, hmm, should I save it under PHOTOS – MATTIAS AND ME – ROSES REFLECTIONS, or should I make a new folder under MISCELLANEOUS – PERSONAL ART PROJECTS – PHOTOS – LIGHT REFLECTIONS/DISTRACTIONS…
The light brightens and fades, reminding me or perhaps taunting me. I know full well I should really be finishing that proposal to that tour manager regards drawing that INFINITELY superb band he’s managing. F**k it. BUT IT’S RIGHT BESIDE ME!!! Gaaaaaaaah!
The light dims. Now, do I waste more time finishing that little unplanned project, give myself some closure, or do I carry on with the email proposal. I’ve already written one proposal to an enquiry from Holland, USA this morning. I’ve also hoovered, made the bed, washed the last few dishes from last night, contemplated making some chicken soup with the left overs, but that will take about an hour probably, and there’s no room in the freezer or fridge, and who the hell eats chicken soup when it’s 25 degrees outside anyway? (Currently looking up temperature in Stockholm to be factual, but came across a wedding flowers website – are those flowers Gerberas? F**k it. Nope. Sh*te. I really need to find those flowers out. F**king google – ‘small white flowers commonly used in arrangements’ – click on ‘images’ – nope, we’re still not telling you.
I wonder how many of you reading this will know the little flower I’m talking about? (ps turns out I was spot on about the temperature outside, even though the sky is scattered with rainclouds. Also, this Antler’s album is really rather good. The light reflection has also changed since I first took the photos about 10/15 minutes ago. The sun moves ‘that’ quickly. So doesn’t that validate why I should follow up my distractions? Doesn’t that mean that yes indeed, you caught the beauty, ‘seized the day’ – but to what end? Now what? It’s not going to get me any money. It’s just taken up at least half an hour of my time in adding this to a blog where I’ve probably lost half my audience in one fell – with minor distractions – swoop.
But I had to let you know that this is what most of my time is taken up with. One of my ex’s once said ‘You can have such an open mind your brain falls out’.
This makes so much sense to me.
But is this why when you’re ‘old’ you become much more staid with your course, so much more blinkered, narrow minded, because if you didn’t you would be in a total overwhelmed state of inspiration. It most definitely is NOT productive. As an artist, as anyone, you need to let things go, hard as it is. (Now do I go through the palaver of uploading the photo to add as an illustration? It surely would break up the tedium of this cluster of brain farts would it not?)
Okay, stay with me. I think you get the picture – I get distracted – it is a blessing and it is a curse – it is the foundation of my art – I draw my distractions – but I can’t draw ALL OF THEM. This isn’t even mentioning that I have an inspired visual thought for every piece of music I hear, guilty feeling, news headlines, AVAAZ update, regret, ponderance, Swedish words/products/things learned/things to see, ambition, idea…How does one filter? Really?
Below is what I drew the other night, as well as the post I wrote yesterday.
(And that white flower? Gypso-f**king-phila. At LAST!)
Below is an iPad drawing I did last night just as I ‘thought’ I was going to bed. I normally blow any candles out, but it was pouring with rain outside and I was hugely comforted by the flickering little light. I thought I could perhaps ‘just watch it for a bit’, but when I turned off the little bedside lamp I noticed these amazing shadows on the ceiling from the large plants beside it. After five minutes of wrestling with the fact that I was dog tired and I had planned to get up early with Mattias, I decided to try and film it on my iPhone. No joy. So I had to fecking well draw it instead.
It took nearly 2 hours and I have to say, no matter how much I don’t want to draw, or how tired I am, it all (mostly) gets forgotten when I actually start to draw. I particularly like the detail in the window, however I was lazy with the bookshelf. Perhaps another drawing some other dark and rainy night with a candle at the window…
The application I used was Brushes which I first used about 2 years ago when I first had the chance to experiment with an iPod. I also tried it out with Mattias’s iPad, and then my own. A musician I’d had some discussion with recommended Inspire Pro and I have to say I’ve loved it’s simplicity and have been mostly using it since. I couldn’t figure out how to blend the colours in this particular picture as opposed to Inspire Pro where you can have a ‘dry brush’ that does the job. I do like the fact Brushes has layers though so aim to get reacquainted.
So the resulting drawing stuffed the ‘getting to sleep early’ plan then. I also then woke up at 4am with horrible period pains and started rearranging the room so I could make up the couch bed. I get extremely restless and jerky when I’ve got cramps, so prefer to sizzle and flap about in a bed by myself. Bit of tiger balm, couple of pain killers, a fairly hot water bottle and I was maybe asleep around 5am. Woke with Mattias giving me a kiss before leaving for work, and I drifted back off into a clammy sweaty intense sleep. It can get pretty rancid some months, with vomiting and other lovely bonuses. I’ve been suggested going on the pill by friends as it really does kill one or two days for me. There’s nothing quite like feeling incredibly alive afterwards though. It could be worse. At least I don’t get headaches. (Cue ‘touching wood’ like a mad woman.)
‘Drawing from my bed of the shadows cast by candle and plants on a dark and rainy night.’iPad Drawing, ‘Brushes’ Application, 110 mins
The above link is to the very first post of mine in relation to moving my creative scene to Stockholm. I thought I better add it to lay the foundations of the rest of what I write. Just to set the scene for you, if you get what I mean. 🙂